Parents do this all the time, sending their kids back to school.

I know a lot are usually happy for this time of year even.

But whoa, I was not ready for the millions of thoughts…ok worries, in my head about sending two kids off to school this year.

Is it because we are still in the middle of a pandemic?

Possibly.

But honestly, a lot of my concerns I find, are not even around that. Yet here I am; anxious, sad, and overwhelmed by ALL the things that come with back-to-school time. My share, for all of you, who are feeling the same and as always to know that you are not alone.

Let’s Talk Logistics

Seriously, how do we make some of this work? I know it will.

It has too.

But this may really be one of the first times the whole “parent of more than one” thing is really freaking me out.

I’ve been lucky. P is such a great big sis; bringing baby home… not too bad, especially considering I was in the hospital with new baby sis on her birthday of all days.

Feeding two, bathing two, transporting two, honestly it’s almost been easier with them having each other.

But two going to school…oh wow! I’m scrambling to figure this one out. You mean to tell me I have to get two up, ready, fed, and to their schools on time, and then get myself to work? So are we waking up at 5 am? 4 am? Let’s be real, there is only so much that nighttime prep can do to help make the morning go any easier.

But we’ll figure it out because we have to.

Right?

I do want to note, I have gobs of help between my mom, mom-in-law, and my husband’s work schedule. So to all the moms out there without this same type of support system…you are doing AMAZING things. Seriously, do not sell yourself short, ever! This is hard and even unrealistic.

Schedule Adjustments

I am all for schedules, plans, and routines but starting them really can be so difficult and exhausting.

At the end of a long workday, when you are already just done for, having to get two children, (including a very determined to be independent two year old), to agree to do things when we need to, is honestly sometimes the most challenging part of my day.

I’m going to miss the summer nights of eating when we’re hungry not at a set time, or going to bed early or a little late when we are having fun, and not having so many “to do’s” before the start of the next day.

I know things will start to fall into place. We will find a schedule that will work for us. Routine will ultimately be good for the girls and us. After all, children especially, like stability and knowing what to expect.

I keep telling myself that the hardest part will just be getting started and making it a habit.

Their Own Little World

I am so excited and proud for my girls to have their own life experiences. Their time for themselves, to meet new friends, new experiences, something that is all their own.

But it also makes me sad and nervous.

My school years were not always full of great memories. In fact, it wasn’t really until college that I enjoyed school much at all. I loved learning, I didn’t even always mind the homework. But the social aspect of school was not my thing. From being bullied for the types of clothes I wore, or my hair, the spelling of my name, and the never-correct pronunciation of my last name, I often felt alone and isolated. I worry for my girls having these same types of experiences. The feelings and words that stick with you for a lifetime.

The worst part is I know it’s very possible.

In a world that I feel becomes crueler by the minute, I am anxious that my children who I try my best to raise to be kind, caring, loving people to bring more good into this world, will become victims to the cruelty of others & I will not be there to do anything about it.

Our Great Big World

I still cannot believe my little kindergartner goes off for a whole full school day, five days a week. It is so much time away from us and off on her own.

And that may be what scares me the most.

Being away from us.

It goes without saying this world has been more hostile, unpredictable, and just all-around scary these past few years, more than ever. It’s hard as a mother to trust the world we send our kids out into.

I know I cannot just hold and shelter them forever. I also shouldn’t always think of the worse case scenarios that can happen. But I suppose knowing that they have happened for some is enough.

The balance of not allowing my girls to know my own anxieties and worries for them while helping eliminate their own has been challenging. It’s hard telling a child they will be ok to go off without you when you question it yourself.